Dear Robby,

You are 16 months old today. I realized this week that I couldn’t really remember day to day life before you came into it. I think the novelty of having a new baby in the house wore off sometime last month. Don’t take that to mean you are getting old hat by any means! You are now an actual walking, talking, screaming, laughing person with a genuine personality and presence. I think until recently, I was still adjusting on how to take care of you and still clean, work, poop and sleep. I had to schedule life around you. You have your own routine now.  It’s like you have always been here.

You had your second Halloween this month and we dressed you up as a skunk in this adorable costume. When you get older you can tell all your friends how your mother dressed you up funny like Ralphie in that movie A Christmas Story.

The night before Halloween, after you had gone to bed, Papa and I gutted the pumpkin and carved it. I figured this would be the last year we could avoid having you get stringy pumpkin seeds all over the rug and fight us for the carving knife. We also made popcorn balls for the neighbor kids. It was a great evening. Papa and I really had a fun time doing these things together. We don’t get to spend that much time together laughing and having fun lately. When you get older and have your first child, listen to people who tell you that it is important for you and your wife to still manage to spend fun times together alone. It is.

You have increased your vocabulary to include words like; Up! Off! Cup! Wawa! (water) Yucky! Bye-bye! and Pa-paaaaawww! You got another molar, taking the tooth count to 16. Your favorite toy this month has been a large purple ball. You love kicking it and laying on it and rolling off. Your giggle can stop anyone dead in their tracks and make them smile. It is still my most favorite sound.

Dancing is something you are going to be great at. You have got your groove on most days and enjoy children’s songs like Head, Shoulders, Knees and Toes as well as a Bruce Springsteen song.

Sometimes, you look at people with no expression on your face whatsoever. They will coo and try and get you to smile but you just stare blankly at them. I can’t figure out if you are studying them or if you really just don’t want to interact with them. Then, there was the produce lady at the grocery store. You smiled, waved, flirted, laughed, babbled and seduced her right into giving you a grape. I hope you will use this power you have over people for good and not evil.

You had your first school pictures taken last week. I changed your outfit three times only to have your teacher ask me if that was what you were wearing. I really don’t think you cared what you wore. You just like getting your picture taken. You are still a little ham.

I will turn 40 in two days. Yes, your mother is old. This is an important day for most women. I think it’s sort of like a mid life mental crisis. My life looks a lot different today than I thought it would 20 years ago. I’m glad it’s different. I’d hate to be some business mogul either trying to remember what country I was in, what my kids were doing or divorcing the hot math tutor/sandwich maker from college. I’ve spent a lot of time reflecting on my accomplishments and failures. If I did not have you in my life, 40 would be a much harder birthday to face with a sense of accomplishment and optimism. I feel like celebrating my past and looking forward to the years ahead.

I am Robby’s Mama. Hear me roar.

Love,

Mama

Dear Robby,

You turned 14 months old this week! It has been a month full of changes to your world. Auntie Jennifer decided to go back to working in the “real world” this month and you started attending daycare two weeks ago. You had a rough first couple of days, but you are handling the new changes to your routine like a champ. Me? I am either a basket case or in extreme denial as I leave you every morning. When we arrive in the “drop off” room to 20 kids from 12 months to 5 years playing, laughing and running around- you look so lost sometimes. You always cry, but only for 30 seconds or so. I know, because I wait in the hall until you stop crying before I leave. When I come to pick you up 6 hours later, your face lights up when you see me. This gives me enough resolve to drop you off the next morning.

 I really do not like your teacher. Your papa calls her Dolores Umbridge. Granted, I am used to leaving you with Auntie who is as close to Mary Poppins as you’ll ever find. Dolores is great to you, and dotes on you. She has really tried to make this transition an easy one for you. I still don’t like her. She is not great at talking with parents. On your first day, she told me that she was going to have to call you Robert instead of Robby because she has a nephew named Robbie that she doesn’t like. I told Dumbledore (the principal of the school) that your name was ROBBY or Robert and not Robbie. They changed how they had spelled your name all over the classroom.

There are 4 other kids in the 12 month old to 18 month old class. You are one of the youngest, but you tower over the others. You are so tall! There is a presence about you that makes you seem larger than life as well. When someone walks into a room with you in it, their eyes are instantly on you – no matter how many other kids are in the room. Your big blue eyes and reddish hair are too adorable to ignore.

 I don’t think you are going to be a morning person. Last week, papa went into your room to wake you up and get you ready for school. When he went into your room, you were already awake and sitting up in your crib. Papa saw you were awake and turned on the light. You instantly grabbed your blanket, threw it over your head, dropped down on the mattress and said, “Shit, shit, shit.” Obviously, shit is still one of your most favorite words. The three words you say the most clearly are; Go, Shit and Momma. Only 14 months old and you are already telling me how it should be.

 At the beginning of last month, your papa said you looked like an arthritic monkey when you started to walk. Actually, it reminded me of Fred Sanford’s hobble. Now, you no longer have to put your arms up in the air for balance to walk. It’s far less entertaining, but good to see you developing so quickly. You walk from room to room, picking up anything that catches your interest and then carry it until you see something else in the next room and pick that up. It is hard to believe one small child could create such havoc and disarray.

 You point at EVERYTHING. You point; we tell you what you are pointing at. It’s a great game for you. If we don’t tell you what you are pointing at you will get angry and keep pointing until we do. I think you are actually retaining all of these new words too. You still won’t say most of them, but when I ask you where something is, you will point at it. Outside or “owwsigh” as you call it is your favorite place. You love getting your hands in the dirt and walking on the grass.

 This has been by far the hardest monthly letter for me to write. You are the most important thing in my world. I have really struggled with you being in daycare. I do not want to mess up this whole Mommy Thing. I received the same advice from more than one person I love and trust. They say as long as you know you are loved at the end of the day, it is a good day. Last night, I was holding you in my arms at the end of the day and I thought you were already asleep when you let out a big sigh and said, “Mom” in the most content little whisper. I hope that’s a sign that indeed, my love for you will always be enough.

 Love, Mama

Monthly Newsletter – Volume 13

Dear Robby,

You are 13 months old today! You have had an exciting month and your personality and individuality are really starting to show in everything you do. It appears you have a need for recognition just like your mommy. I know from experience that this can be a good thing if you can manage to get this need met constructively. You have this habit of drinking from your cup and then opening your mouth and letting all the liquid run down your shirt. It was getting rather old and tiresome having to change your clothes every time you were thirsty. Telling you no wasn’t working, so we decided to praise you every time you actually swallowed. You loved the applause! Now, you take a drink, set the cup down and hold your arms up in the air to say. “TAH DAH!” and wait for the accolades. I guess clapping for every drink beats changing your shirt.

Lately, whenever I am distracted with something other than devoting my undivided and full attention on you, I’ll look over at you are pointing to your ear. You do this for the applause. We get excited when we ask you, “Where’s Robby’s ear?” and you point to it. I laugh every time. You have a way of catching me off guard and making me laugh. When you don’t want to go to sleep and you are laying in your crib, nine times out of ten when I look at you, you are pointing at your ear.

Okay, so here’s some ammunition to get that car out of me when you are sixteen. I was pulling you in your wagon on our driveway last week. You love to go down the driveway hill fast and then turn and go back up. I took the turn a little too fast and dumped the wagon over in the driveway. Smack! Your face hit the concrete and my heart literally stopped beating. I was sure I had killed you. You ended up with only a few scrapes on your face and a fat lip. I however, am still traumatized. You know what I did after I cleaned you up and quit squeezing you so tight? I gave you a cookie. I think it really clicked in my mind that I can only pass on to you the things I have. I need to get to work on improving and growing so I will leave better things than a cookie as my legacy.

I haven’t taken any pictures of you for a week because I don’t want to remember this for the rest of my life. I’m sure I will anyway. What surprises me is that when I tell people they are so nonchalant about the whole thing. Several even said that I would do far worse to you through out your life. Yikes. I guess mommy needs to develop a tougher skin. I still am so thankful you weren’t badly hurt. I got you back in the wagon again right away and you did great. You have no fear, my son.

I think that if I let you choose the menu, you’d have Cheerios, tortellini and blueberries at every meal. You really dig peas as well. We’ve tried to let you just go for it and feed yourself. This hasn’t worked so well with bowl foods like applesauce and oatmeal. You’ve got the scoop technique down pat with your spoon. The food just never reaches your mouth and the bowl usually ends up on the floor. I could make a million dollars if I could invent a bowl with a suction cup on the bottom that could stay suctioned. But, I’m told that if you don’t learn to use a spoon now, it will be harder for you to learn later. Why? It is written that babies are stubborn and set in their ways. I believe this because although you are going to sleep by yourself in your crib now, I still have to be sitting in the chair next to your crib or you will scream your head off. I wish you’d knock it off already and just go to sleep! You think you’re going to miss something if you go to sleep. Well, you are; Mama Time.

You are going to have tons of friends when you get older. You are the most social child! You have only had about 5 incidents that I could really call stranger anxiety. You flirt with everyone. Maybe you’re just looking for applause from a larger audience. The fireman in line behind us at the grocery store had no idea why you kept pointing to your ear, but he smiled at you anyway.

This has been a “Mama” month. You have said “Mama” constantly and clung to me for dear life most of the time. I admit I have loved every single second of it. It has made up for all the resilient “Dada”s over the past three months and coming home from work to be completely ignored and holding you as you cry as Auntie drives away and you are left with just me.  Sometimes, when you are really looking at me, I will tell you that I love you and I swear you understand me. You’ll smile or lean up and hug me and give me a kiss. When you hug me, you put your head on my shoulder and pat or rub my arm. I don’t know how I can ever express to you how much I love you. It’s a love like no other I have known and by far the most intense and instinctual. I love your papa with all my heart, but I got to know him, fell in love with him and that love has grown the longer I am with him. There’s a Carly Simon song that has a line that kind of defines what I mean by instinctual. “From the moment I first saw you; the second that you were born; I knew that you were the love of my life.”  My capacity to love you amazes me daily. Even when I’m tired, you’re cranky and the kitchen floor is sticky, my prayer at the end of the day is always the same. Thank you, God.

Love, Mama